I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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