Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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