Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
