Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
