the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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