hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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