Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
