Just fell off a train. Bad.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
