I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize