i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
