You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
