You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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