she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
