Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize