do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
