If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
