Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
