I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
