bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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