She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
