How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
