So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
