so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize