There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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