I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
