Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
