How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
