He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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