Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
