He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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