I puked a lego.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
