I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
