I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
