She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
