whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
