normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
