Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize