Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
