I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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