Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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