I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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