Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
