Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
