If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i think i just lost a toe
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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