Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
