Is it normal to miss your booty call?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
