this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
