He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
