I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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