I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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