How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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