she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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