david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
