You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They took my balls.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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