i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize