Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
