Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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