You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
