And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
