I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize