did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
