guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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