mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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