He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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