I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I need to stop coming to work sober
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
