Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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