I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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