Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
