The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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