he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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