....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize