You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
