If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
