Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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