Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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