I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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