My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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