i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
