i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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