So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize