During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize