Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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