I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
