She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
