No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You dont lie about slip and slides
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
