I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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