at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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