As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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