i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
