Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
