Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
