Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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