The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize