Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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