Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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