She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm just crazy horny about you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize