So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
