youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
