saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize