our cab driver is having phone sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
