Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
