oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
