Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize