i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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