I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
