Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
